To Michael

So I never got to write in your yearbook.  I thought it’d be fitting to write a message to you, Jimmy, and Kev in lieu of a yearbook message before I go.  In typical Kevin procrastinater fashion, I am doing this at 12:06AM the day I move in.  To think that in 14 hours I will be at SD.  In 8 hours I hope to be eating noodles with you and the other guys.

I remember that you ate lunch with me and Kev during our stint at McGarvin.  I think it wasn’t until during 9th or 10th grade that we started talking.  First through aim, but then using email as a means to talk about more delicate matters.  And by delicate I mean sex.  Ok not really.  But all the same it was comforting, knowing that I had someone who’d listen to my (lack of) romantic escapades, and I’d listen back.  Quid pro quo, as it were.  I remember playing messenger between you and (your then interest) Ngan.  Sidebar:  I never ever had a thing for her.  Back to the story.  It sucks that it never worked out for you guys, but it was even better that you move on, a testament to your…movingonness awesomeness.

I am ashamed to say that during the summer after 10th grade we had a sort of falling-out.  I think it was just over stupid things like I would just diss and hate on you for being lazy or bored or “apathetic” and that was really fucked up of me.  I don’t even remember what we were all so steamed over.  Fuck it, the point is you didn’t deserve it and I haven’t really felt right about our friendship since then.  I’ve always felt this sort of strain between us, and it’s a shame fucking sucks penis because you’re a really good friend.  I’m really sorry for being such a goddamn douchebag to you back then.  Things seem to have gotten better for us in the past year or so-especially this summer.  I don’t want a rift to form between us over something so stupid and insignificant.  I really do hope that we’re on the path to becoming great buddies again.

You’re my single greatest connection to the anime world, and I expect you to keep me posted on anything good that comes out (including AX stuff).  For sure I’ll try the direct download sites that you suggested.  I don’t want to have to stoop to like…crunchyroll…shudder..Moreover, I’m sorry for never having gotten around to writing any reviews for anime like I said I would.  I guess I’m just too lazy of a bastard.  I think I like to watch anime more than I like to write about it, sorry dude.  I hope you continue to use the site to hone your web coding skills though.  Maybe in the future I’ll get off of my ass and write something decent.  Best of luck to you though.

Like I’ve said before, don’t think of me leaving as a “goodbye”, think of it as a “two month brb guys”.  Cause I’ll be back for Thanksgiving for sure.  I’m totally looking forward to black friday camping (ok I’m really gonna buy stuff this time-XBOX 360 YES) and Jimmy’s big one-eight.  Your birthday’s in October right?  If I am free, I can conceivably make it to your birthday too.  I hope I can.  Cause I just know it’s gonna be wild.

But make sure you make the most of your time in college dude.  Put yourself out there, try something new.  Maybe rush some clubs that interest you.  Attend some social events and expand your horizons.  Meet a bunch of new people.  Live with no regrets and leave no stone unturned.  Most of all though, just have fun (but keep your grades high too!).

Stay quirky and weird, Michael.  Cause you’re cool like that.

I’m really gonna miss you.

P.S., no worries about my monitor, cause for all I know the scratch could be cosmetic.

To Jimmy

I never got a chance to sign put off signing your yearbook, so this is my thinly-veiled attempt at rectifying that.

Like the other great gay couples of our time (Moore/Civics Tran, Comrade Tran/Elliot) we started out as acquaintances.  I remembered meeting you back in elementary.  Oh back then you were a very…innocuous seeming person.  I was surprised then-when I was trying to pick on you one time-that you told me to fuck off.  You grew a fucking backbone.  And from that day, I really never thought of you as anyone but my equal.  That fuck off was glorious.  Weird how kids go around gaining respect, huh?

Anyways, flash forward to middle school.  I think you ate lunch with Kev and me from time to time, but that was about it.  During the first half of high school, we were still just cordial friends.  But I think it’s when you decided to stick with me in Mock Trial that our friendship became something else.  Like the end result of Bruce Banner getting zapped with gamma rays, our friendship too grew into a big, indestructible mound of manliness.  And I say that with no sarcasm.  Ok, there was a lot of sarcasm.  We’re not gay.

I mean I guess there was just something about our personalities.  You’re like the reasoning Yin to my raging awkward Yang.  We complement each other.  We’re like two 45 degree angles.  I can go on, but I think you’d rather I not.  In short:  We just geled.  We clicked.

You: Oh you enjoy dirty jokes?  Me too!
Me:  <dead prostitute in a box joke>

Us:  <laugh until out of breath>

Although you ended up hating mock trial, I’m sure that without that experience we probably would not have come to know each other the way that we do now.  Like really know each other. In the end, I think we both got something good from mock trial.  Plus:  Elaine.

Lets not forget our moments in APUSH.  I’d like to think that suffering in that class together strengthened our budding relationship.  Remember how we used to sit near each other and, instead of doing our work, subverted Mr. B and just sat there talking/doing gay stuff?  I am going to say that that shit helped me get through a good portion of that class each time.  There was that stupid activity where we would mime writing something on the desk and the other would guess what it was.  That shit was retarded.  But it also showed how alike our trains of thoughts were (hint:  “penis” is a safe guess choice).  Oh yeah and Mr. B flipped you off lol.

We sure did end up hanging out a lot.  I mean there was that summer where Vuong drove us everywhere.  Then there was this summer where you drove me everywhere.  I’m glad you’re able to put up with my lack of a car, because without you, I don’t think I’d have gone anywhere interesting besides anime expo.  Someday, hopefully sooner rather than later, I will ferry you somewhere.  Whether or not it is a car remains to be seen.

I’m also glad that you’re here to keep me in check, and I you.  Sometimes (all the time?) I go off the deep end and I need you to reel me back.  I’m a loud-mouth, forward douchebag with a PhD in bigotry.  You’re my compass.  My free-thinking, marajuana-supporting, metal-listening, 10-degree-cap-wearing korean-look-a-like moral compass.  And fuck, I wouldn’t trade you for anyone else.  I don’t say this enough, but I’m glad we met.

We really do seem to pull each other up by the bootstraps whenever we’re feeling down.  Without you, I wouldn’t know who to spout my fears and insecurities to.  And without me, you’d probably be a whole lot happier more bored/emo.  And-more often than we’d like to admit-we do use movies as our primary means of escapism.  Good to know that apush is still quotable.

It’s really amusing that explosm parallels our life/relationship/humor/quirks in so many ways.  I’m convinced that they have us both wiretapped and keylogged.  One day soon, they will write a comic about us discussing how they ripped us off, and then we shall have the credit we rightfully deserve.

With that said, when I say “I am going to miss you” it is going to be the understatement of the year.  It’s gonna be really hard to function without my better half.  I mean we’ll live and we’ll make new friends, but the interim time will suck.  But I can assure you, though, that our relationship is indeed like the Hulk:  indestructible, relentless, and green (I don’t know ok-I recently watched it).  The two months will just fly by and before you know it I’ll be right back here in the OC preparing to celebrate thanksgiving, camp for black friday, and, most of all, celebrate your goddamn birthday.  Damn you’re young.  But you also get to jailbait longer, so more power to ya.

I’ll tell you what I’ve told some of the others.  Don’t think of this as a “goodbye”.  That’s too final, too sad, and, more importantly, too serious.  Think of this as a “brb” (but for two months).  I’ll always come back to this place because I have people worth coming back to.

I think, besides your faggy companionship, the thing I will miss the most is our random hi5’s and our “commotion over nothing”.  We’re easily amused is what I’m trying to say (ROOM OF REQUIREMENT HI5 awkwardness).  And I’m going to miss that.  A lot.  I’m gonna miss simply just hanging brain.  Our quirks and interactions are quite… interesting compared to others (read:  gayer).  We make quite the unique pair.

And I’m glad we sometimes get into stupid arguments and fights.  It shows that while we’re both very co-dependent, we still retain our free-will and opinions.  We disagree and squabble because, when it all comes down to it, we’re true friends.  Someday, I will argue rationally.  I just hope that day doesn’t come soon, for it will be a sad day.

Make sure you do come down and visit.  I’ll be sure to be in the know on all the parties and social events, just for you (ok not just for you).  Make sure you remember our hawt pact, too.  We’re gonna crash AX next year really hard and knock mess up some girls!  In the meantime though, make sure you get the fuck out there and have the best college experience ever.  Put yourself out there.  Be loud.  Get noticed.  Remember:  no regrets.  Do everything you can to have fun:  dorming or not be damned, cause you’re gonna paint UCI red.  With the blood from the women that you deflower.  But don’t neglect your grades either.  Remember, when I get back, you better have like so many lady friends.  Please introduce me to some.

REMEMBER: it’s a brb.  Pretend I’m gonna go take a two month piss.

You’ll always be my bff and we’ll always be the biggest pair of bromosexuals ever.  And that’s what’s gonna make me miss you even more.

P.S., I heard you bought Kelly some boba on a whim.  Nice.  Remember to collect on her debt, for it is your right and responsibility as my friend.

To Kev

I never got around to signing your yearbook, so I am going to take the lazy way out for now and write you a little note, courtesy of my blog.

I guess we should start at the beginning, huh?  Let’s see.  I remember that we first saw each other during a PE roll-call in 3rd grade.  We stared daggers at one another.  Obviously we were both thinking, “who’s this motherfucker that has stolen my name?”  Little did either one of us realize that just two short years later we’d be the best of buddies.  Gay buddies. To me you’re like a combination of brother/best friend/role model/fagget/nerd.  Arguably the best combo there is.  And I don’t say this enough, but I’m really glad we met.

To say that I didn’t learn anything from you or was not influenced by you is like saying that John McCain is a great candidate for U.S. presidency-it’s just not true.  The reality is -although much of our conversations and interactions are through a series of tubes- you’re probably the person who has influenced me the most.  I’d say that my continued love for gaming is due to you introducing me to piracy; and my love of piracy is due to you introducing me to piracy.  And not only have we spent years looking for the perfect coop game, we’ve pretty much played (or attempted to play [or downloaded but never got around to playing]) every PC coop game worth playing.  Sidebar:  I think that our search for the perfect coop game ends November 18th.  I remember the days of the Core Community, DC++, the hub, Suprnova, and just all around weird shit.  Exeem?  Remember that shit?  I think the first file I’ve ever directly pirated was Jedi Knight 2 from the Core Community hub.  Ahhh, little did I know that that file would lead me deeper and deeper into the Lord’s Work piracy.  JK2 was my gateway file into piracy.  I’m not gonna mince words, if I had never met you, I can assure you that I would’ve turned out all weird and fucked up.  I probably would’ve become a republican or something.  That thought is very repulsive.  Thanks for saving me from becoming a republican.

And how can we forget about our experiences?  Remember how I waited for like a whole year for Rio to release new MP3 players?  Shit that was a very unproductive year (but I did get one of my letters answered on the IGN Gears website!).  Not to mention the countless of games I’ve borrowed from you but have never beaten (and your books too).  But someday.  Then we have the 1 year+ of the whole headset dealy.  My capacity for laziness still surprises me to this day.  Wait.  Headset.  Voice communication.  Splinter Cell.

One of the best summers of gaming we’ve had, and a summer we still often remember with misty-eyed nostalgia.  Ah double-jump, tazers, brutal learning curve.  I remember your rape vid and my rape game.  Haha, holding hands my ass.  More like.  Holding…Yeah we beat them hard.  It was an excellent summer full of rape and fun.

I also remembered how I pretty much used you as a messenger between Diana and me for that summer of geometry.  Damn, looking back you must’ve been all uncomfortable and awkward and shit.  So yeah my bad.  But I just realized, that’s what bros do.  So, you were also my first wingman (I am glad that you were my first).

During the shower the other day, I remembered something. I think it was during our time at Ethan Allen.  All I know is that I was being a fucking douchebag when I made you buy me books with your money.  I really regret it.  Looking back, it was a really selfish thing to do.  And when I made up all those lies and shit too.  I felt like genuine shit.  And I’m really sorry.  I guess I was embarrassed/insecure about my own mundane life.  It’s really a testament to the strength of our friendship that we’re still together, though.  I guess we both put up with our fair share of each other’s shit (although arguably you have to put up with more than I do-and I’m thankful for that) and we became closer because of that.  Or something like that.

Also I have weird dreams wtf.

Thanks for putting up with my calculus stupidity last year.  What the fuck I derived then integrated.  Then derived again.  That must’ve been a very defining moment in our friendship.  I am totally not incompetent at all.  I am going to attribute my ap calc 4 score to your tutoring.  So thanks again.  But you know this means you are obligated to help me through math 20b cause that 4 gave me the opportunity to take the class.

And this past summer was probably our most enjoyable time yet.  AX was great, Lan parties were great (even though a good portion of it was spent troubleshooting-I’m sure our next one [maybe a winterbreak rapaLANthon party] will go a lot smoother), random TF2 moments were great.  Thanks for a really fun summer and I know there will be even more funner summers to come.

We should pimp Obama out harder.  If he doesn’t win, remember:  Double suicide.

You should also finish your backlog so I can recommend you more stuff to watch.

Thanks for driving me places.

Take to heart that this is not really a good bye, just a “brb”.  A two month brb.  I’ll always come back.  This place is my home and you guys are my goddamn buddies.  I shall return.

In the meantime, keep on gaming, living, learning, lazying, whatever.  Just have fun dude.  Make the most out of college, join some badass clubs and shit.  Attend some more social events/dances.  You may not think it’s your thing, but it’s surprisingly fun.  Put yourself out there; join a frat if it tickles your fancy.  Who knows, you might be one of those party animals (I hope your grades do not suffer because of my advice though).

Keep me posted on the going-ons here when I’m down at SD.  Alert me when its time to buy AX tickets, or awesome events, or you getting laid, or cool stuff like that.  Also remember that if anything (and if I’m not online) you can just call me and we can talk long distance.

So remember, this is not a goodbye, it’s just a brb.  But I’m still gonna really miss you.

P.S., Glovewatch/iTouch/PantsWatch/Mr. Feel lol

I am a commitaphobe

That’s probably not a real word, but it really does exemplify who I am.  I can’t make commitments.  Everything you’ve read in this blog:  all the promises, pacts, lists, swears; all of them were never kept.  I see my pattern:  every once in awhile I am inspired, whether it is by another or through self-reflection, to do something.  I promises myself that I will follow through with said effort.  A few days later I lose steam and I break my promise.  In disappointment, I write about it here on my blog and swear myself to keep the promise.  A few days later I break the pact again.  Shit man, this is like blah blah blah Bush Administration.

The thing about tackling this stupid phobia is that I gotta commit myself to something wholly in order to exonerate myself.