To Michael

So I never got to write in your yearbook.  I thought it’d be fitting to write a message to you, Jimmy, and Kev in lieu of a yearbook message before I go.  In typical Kevin procrastinater fashion, I am doing this at 12:06AM the day I move in.  To think that in 14 hours I will be at SD.  In 8 hours I hope to be eating noodles with you and the other guys.

I remember that you ate lunch with me and Kev during our stint at McGarvin.  I think it wasn’t until during 9th or 10th grade that we started talking.  First through aim, but then using email as a means to talk about more delicate matters.  And by delicate I mean sex.  Ok not really.  But all the same it was comforting, knowing that I had someone who’d listen to my (lack of) romantic escapades, and I’d listen back.  Quid pro quo, as it were.  I remember playing messenger between you and (your then interest) Ngan.  Sidebar:  I never ever had a thing for her.  Back to the story.  It sucks that it never worked out for you guys, but it was even better that you move on, a testament to your…movingonness awesomeness.

I am ashamed to say that during the summer after 10th grade we had a sort of falling-out.  I think it was just over stupid things like I would just diss and hate on you for being lazy or bored or “apathetic” and that was really fucked up of me.  I don’t even remember what we were all so steamed over.  Fuck it, the point is you didn’t deserve it and I haven’t really felt right about our friendship since then.  I’ve always felt this sort of strain between us, and it’s a shame fucking sucks penis because you’re a really good friend.  I’m really sorry for being such a goddamn douchebag to you back then.  Things seem to have gotten better for us in the past year or so-especially this summer.  I don’t want a rift to form between us over something so stupid and insignificant.  I really do hope that we’re on the path to becoming great buddies again.

You’re my single greatest connection to the anime world, and I expect you to keep me posted on anything good that comes out (including AX stuff).  For sure I’ll try the direct download sites that you suggested.  I don’t want to have to stoop to like…crunchyroll…shudder..Moreover, I’m sorry for never having gotten around to writing any reviews for anime like I said I would.  I guess I’m just too lazy of a bastard.  I think I like to watch anime more than I like to write about it, sorry dude.  I hope you continue to use the site to hone your web coding skills though.  Maybe in the future I’ll get off of my ass and write something decent.  Best of luck to you though.

Like I’ve said before, don’t think of me leaving as a “goodbye”, think of it as a “two month brb guys”.  Cause I’ll be back for Thanksgiving for sure.  I’m totally looking forward to black friday camping (ok I’m really gonna buy stuff this time-XBOX 360 YES) and Jimmy’s big one-eight.  Your birthday’s in October right?  If I am free, I can conceivably make it to your birthday too.  I hope I can.  Cause I just know it’s gonna be wild.

But make sure you make the most of your time in college dude.  Put yourself out there, try something new.  Maybe rush some clubs that interest you.  Attend some social events and expand your horizons.  Meet a bunch of new people.  Live with no regrets and leave no stone unturned.  Most of all though, just have fun (but keep your grades high too!).

Stay quirky and weird, Michael.  Cause you’re cool like that.

I’m really gonna miss you.

P.S., no worries about my monitor, cause for all I know the scratch could be cosmetic.

To Jimmy

I never got a chance to sign put off signing your yearbook, so this is my thinly-veiled attempt at rectifying that.

Like the other great gay couples of our time (Moore/Civics Tran, Comrade Tran/Elliot) we started out as acquaintances.  I remembered meeting you back in elementary.  Oh back then you were a very…innocuous seeming person.  I was surprised then-when I was trying to pick on you one time-that you told me to fuck off.  You grew a fucking backbone.  And from that day, I really never thought of you as anyone but my equal.  That fuck off was glorious.  Weird how kids go around gaining respect, huh?

Anyways, flash forward to middle school.  I think you ate lunch with Kev and me from time to time, but that was about it.  During the first half of high school, we were still just cordial friends.  But I think it’s when you decided to stick with me in Mock Trial that our friendship became something else.  Like the end result of Bruce Banner getting zapped with gamma rays, our friendship too grew into a big, indestructible mound of manliness.  And I say that with no sarcasm.  Ok, there was a lot of sarcasm.  We’re not gay.

I mean I guess there was just something about our personalities.  You’re like the reasoning Yin to my raging awkward Yang.  We complement each other.  We’re like two 45 degree angles.  I can go on, but I think you’d rather I not.  In short:  We just geled.  We clicked.

You: Oh you enjoy dirty jokes?  Me too!
Me:  <dead prostitute in a box joke>

Us:  <laugh until out of breath>

Although you ended up hating mock trial, I’m sure that without that experience we probably would not have come to know each other the way that we do now.  Like really know each other. In the end, I think we both got something good from mock trial.  Plus:  Elaine.

Lets not forget our moments in APUSH.  I’d like to think that suffering in that class together strengthened our budding relationship.  Remember how we used to sit near each other and, instead of doing our work, subverted Mr. B and just sat there talking/doing gay stuff?  I am going to say that that shit helped me get through a good portion of that class each time.  There was that stupid activity where we would mime writing something on the desk and the other would guess what it was.  That shit was retarded.  But it also showed how alike our trains of thoughts were (hint:  “penis” is a safe guess choice).  Oh yeah and Mr. B flipped you off lol.

We sure did end up hanging out a lot.  I mean there was that summer where Vuong drove us everywhere.  Then there was this summer where you drove me everywhere.  I’m glad you’re able to put up with my lack of a car, because without you, I don’t think I’d have gone anywhere interesting besides anime expo.  Someday, hopefully sooner rather than later, I will ferry you somewhere.  Whether or not it is a car remains to be seen.

I’m also glad that you’re here to keep me in check, and I you.  Sometimes (all the time?) I go off the deep end and I need you to reel me back.  I’m a loud-mouth, forward douchebag with a PhD in bigotry.  You’re my compass.  My free-thinking, marajuana-supporting, metal-listening, 10-degree-cap-wearing korean-look-a-like moral compass.  And fuck, I wouldn’t trade you for anyone else.  I don’t say this enough, but I’m glad we met.

We really do seem to pull each other up by the bootstraps whenever we’re feeling down.  Without you, I wouldn’t know who to spout my fears and insecurities to.  And without me, you’d probably be a whole lot happier more bored/emo.  And-more often than we’d like to admit-we do use movies as our primary means of escapism.  Good to know that apush is still quotable.

It’s really amusing that explosm parallels our life/relationship/humor/quirks in so many ways.  I’m convinced that they have us both wiretapped and keylogged.  One day soon, they will write a comic about us discussing how they ripped us off, and then we shall have the credit we rightfully deserve.

With that said, when I say “I am going to miss you” it is going to be the understatement of the year.  It’s gonna be really hard to function without my better half.  I mean we’ll live and we’ll make new friends, but the interim time will suck.  But I can assure you, though, that our relationship is indeed like the Hulk:  indestructible, relentless, and green (I don’t know ok-I recently watched it).  The two months will just fly by and before you know it I’ll be right back here in the OC preparing to celebrate thanksgiving, camp for black friday, and, most of all, celebrate your goddamn birthday.  Damn you’re young.  But you also get to jailbait longer, so more power to ya.

I’ll tell you what I’ve told some of the others.  Don’t think of this as a “goodbye”.  That’s too final, too sad, and, more importantly, too serious.  Think of this as a “brb” (but for two months).  I’ll always come back to this place because I have people worth coming back to.

I think, besides your faggy companionship, the thing I will miss the most is our random hi5’s and our “commotion over nothing”.  We’re easily amused is what I’m trying to say (ROOM OF REQUIREMENT HI5 awkwardness).  And I’m going to miss that.  A lot.  I’m gonna miss simply just hanging brain.  Our quirks and interactions are quite… interesting compared to others (read:  gayer).  We make quite the unique pair.

And I’m glad we sometimes get into stupid arguments and fights.  It shows that while we’re both very co-dependent, we still retain our free-will and opinions.  We disagree and squabble because, when it all comes down to it, we’re true friends.  Someday, I will argue rationally.  I just hope that day doesn’t come soon, for it will be a sad day.

Make sure you do come down and visit.  I’ll be sure to be in the know on all the parties and social events, just for you (ok not just for you).  Make sure you remember our hawt pact, too.  We’re gonna crash AX next year really hard and knock mess up some girls!  In the meantime though, make sure you get the fuck out there and have the best college experience ever.  Put yourself out there.  Be loud.  Get noticed.  Remember:  no regrets.  Do everything you can to have fun:  dorming or not be damned, cause you’re gonna paint UCI red.  With the blood from the women that you deflower.  But don’t neglect your grades either.  Remember, when I get back, you better have like so many lady friends.  Please introduce me to some.

REMEMBER: it’s a brb.  Pretend I’m gonna go take a two month piss.

You’ll always be my bff and we’ll always be the biggest pair of bromosexuals ever.  And that’s what’s gonna make me miss you even more.

P.S., I heard you bought Kelly some boba on a whim.  Nice.  Remember to collect on her debt, for it is your right and responsibility as my friend.

To Kev

I never got around to signing your yearbook, so I am going to take the lazy way out for now and write you a little note, courtesy of my blog.

I guess we should start at the beginning, huh?  Let’s see.  I remember that we first saw each other during a PE roll-call in 3rd grade.  We stared daggers at one another.  Obviously we were both thinking, “who’s this motherfucker that has stolen my name?”  Little did either one of us realize that just two short years later we’d be the best of buddies.  Gay buddies. To me you’re like a combination of brother/best friend/role model/fagget/nerd.  Arguably the best combo there is.  And I don’t say this enough, but I’m really glad we met.

To say that I didn’t learn anything from you or was not influenced by you is like saying that John McCain is a great candidate for U.S. presidency-it’s just not true.  The reality is -although much of our conversations and interactions are through a series of tubes- you’re probably the person who has influenced me the most.  I’d say that my continued love for gaming is due to you introducing me to piracy; and my love of piracy is due to you introducing me to piracy.  And not only have we spent years looking for the perfect coop game, we’ve pretty much played (or attempted to play [or downloaded but never got around to playing]) every PC coop game worth playing.  Sidebar:  I think that our search for the perfect coop game ends November 18th.  I remember the days of the Core Community, DC++, the hub, Suprnova, and just all around weird shit.  Exeem?  Remember that shit?  I think the first file I’ve ever directly pirated was Jedi Knight 2 from the Core Community hub.  Ahhh, little did I know that that file would lead me deeper and deeper into the Lord’s Work piracy.  JK2 was my gateway file into piracy.  I’m not gonna mince words, if I had never met you, I can assure you that I would’ve turned out all weird and fucked up.  I probably would’ve become a republican or something.  That thought is very repulsive.  Thanks for saving me from becoming a republican.

And how can we forget about our experiences?  Remember how I waited for like a whole year for Rio to release new MP3 players?  Shit that was a very unproductive year (but I did get one of my letters answered on the IGN Gears website!).  Not to mention the countless of games I’ve borrowed from you but have never beaten (and your books too).  But someday.  Then we have the 1 year+ of the whole headset dealy.  My capacity for laziness still surprises me to this day.  Wait.  Headset.  Voice communication.  Splinter Cell.

One of the best summers of gaming we’ve had, and a summer we still often remember with misty-eyed nostalgia.  Ah double-jump, tazers, brutal learning curve.  I remember your rape vid and my rape game.  Haha, holding hands my ass.  More like.  Holding…Yeah we beat them hard.  It was an excellent summer full of rape and fun.

I also remembered how I pretty much used you as a messenger between Diana and me for that summer of geometry.  Damn, looking back you must’ve been all uncomfortable and awkward and shit.  So yeah my bad.  But I just realized, that’s what bros do.  So, you were also my first wingman (I am glad that you were my first).

During the shower the other day, I remembered something. I think it was during our time at Ethan Allen.  All I know is that I was being a fucking douchebag when I made you buy me books with your money.  I really regret it.  Looking back, it was a really selfish thing to do.  And when I made up all those lies and shit too.  I felt like genuine shit.  And I’m really sorry.  I guess I was embarrassed/insecure about my own mundane life.  It’s really a testament to the strength of our friendship that we’re still together, though.  I guess we both put up with our fair share of each other’s shit (although arguably you have to put up with more than I do-and I’m thankful for that) and we became closer because of that.  Or something like that.

Also I have weird dreams wtf.

Thanks for putting up with my calculus stupidity last year.  What the fuck I derived then integrated.  Then derived again.  That must’ve been a very defining moment in our friendship.  I am totally not incompetent at all.  I am going to attribute my ap calc 4 score to your tutoring.  So thanks again.  But you know this means you are obligated to help me through math 20b cause that 4 gave me the opportunity to take the class.

And this past summer was probably our most enjoyable time yet.  AX was great, Lan parties were great (even though a good portion of it was spent troubleshooting-I’m sure our next one [maybe a winterbreak rapaLANthon party] will go a lot smoother), random TF2 moments were great.  Thanks for a really fun summer and I know there will be even more funner summers to come.

We should pimp Obama out harder.  If he doesn’t win, remember:  Double suicide.

You should also finish your backlog so I can recommend you more stuff to watch.

Thanks for driving me places.

Take to heart that this is not really a good bye, just a “brb”.  A two month brb.  I’ll always come back.  This place is my home and you guys are my goddamn buddies.  I shall return.

In the meantime, keep on gaming, living, learning, lazying, whatever.  Just have fun dude.  Make the most out of college, join some badass clubs and shit.  Attend some more social events/dances.  You may not think it’s your thing, but it’s surprisingly fun.  Put yourself out there; join a frat if it tickles your fancy.  Who knows, you might be one of those party animals (I hope your grades do not suffer because of my advice though).

Keep me posted on the going-ons here when I’m down at SD.  Alert me when its time to buy AX tickets, or awesome events, or you getting laid, or cool stuff like that.  Also remember that if anything (and if I’m not online) you can just call me and we can talk long distance.

So remember, this is not a goodbye, it’s just a brb.  But I’m still gonna really miss you.

P.S., Glovewatch/iTouch/PantsWatch/Mr. Feel lol

I am a commitaphobe

That’s probably not a real word, but it really does exemplify who I am.  I can’t make commitments.  Everything you’ve read in this blog:  all the promises, pacts, lists, swears; all of them were never kept.  I see my pattern:  every once in awhile I am inspired, whether it is by another or through self-reflection, to do something.  I promises myself that I will follow through with said effort.  A few days later I lose steam and I break my promise.  In disappointment, I write about it here on my blog and swear myself to keep the promise.  A few days later I break the pact again.  Shit man, this is like blah blah blah Bush Administration.

The thing about tackling this stupid phobia is that I gotta commit myself to something wholly in order to exonerate myself.

No Junk-Food Oath

In an effort to delay my death and the degradation of both my health, my looks, and my self-esteem, I am going to undergo a No Junk-Food Oath.  I am trying to preserve my health as much as I can without directly committing my lazy ass to exercise for the time being.  The time being, of course, being the remainder of this week.  I have realized that today is July 15th.  A good portion of my summer is gone, and my body doesn’t have anything to show for it, except maybe a bit more (less???) flab and hair.  It’s quite the turn-off.  I think that it’s universally agreed upon by most that it is truly a sad day when I man cannot get off to his own nude picture.  I am that man.  I do not want to be that man.  I want to be a narcissic douchebag with a god complex who blows his load all over his picture every night after 9PM.  Ok, I don’t really want to be that asshole, but the point I am trying to make is that I don’t want this:

but I really want this:

yummmmy.

Anyways, food oath.  Gosh darn it, that man is unbelievably sexy.  Food oath:

1. I won’t eat any fast food.  This includes Alertos.  I, unlike Jimmy, cannot afford to continue this masochistic diet.
2. I won’t eat any junk food, this includes chips, most candy, ice cream, chocolate, soda (I don’t drink that shit in the first place, so one less thing to yearn for), and many kinds of vagina.  Did you see what I did there?  I was being misogynistic!
3. I will eat a filling breakfast when I am able to (IE, when I wake up in time for breakfast!).
4. I will make my other meal portions a bit smaller; this means no seconds.  No matter what.  Even if it’s  mashed potatos.  Just no (fuck this sucks).  It is the ultimate irony when the greatest tasting vegetable (potato), is also the most unhealthy for you.
5. I will MAKE AN EFFORT to eat 4-5 small meals a day.  A piece of fruit or granola bar every 3 hours can probably help with that.
6. I will try to be nutritious in my meal selection.  This will be rather difficult because I don’t have the best selection of dark green veggies around my home.  I do, however, have some damn nice whole grain bread, chicken, and brown rice.

Signed:  Kevin T. Nguyen

The above is subject to change to reflect realism and pragmatism.  I’ll probably upload a picture with all of this shit printed out and my ink’d signature for like.  Legal looking-ness.  Fuck I want to look fuckable.  Not just for others, but for myself.

My first AX-perience* pt. 1

I can proudly say that I am no longer a virgin to anime expo.

I attended anime expo for three days, but did not go to the fourth cause it was pretty much a bust:  everyone would have cleaned up and gone home.

Day one was interesting, but trying to recall events three days later is still hard.  I remember the AMV finalist viewing in the Nokia theatre, which was easily the most interesting thing that day.  Gurren Lagann was synced to Mulan’s Be A Man song.  It was excellent.  There was also an excellent homoerotic-themed Haruhi AMV, which is a nice change because every Haruhi fan seems to be obsessed with the titular character.  What’s their deal anyway?  The AMV, instead, focused on very well put together clips and edits to make a romance between Kyon and Koizumi (the esper).  Other stuff happened but I can’t seem to remember right now.

Stuff occurred on day 2, but I can’t seem to remember anything.  Oh wait.  I just spent about a minute thinking about day 2 and I was able to recall Kev, Michael, and my little brother going to see David Hayter (pronounced hater-I think he hates on others too) in the morning.  We went a bit earlier that day (like 30 minutes earlier) During that time, Jimmy and I went to a writing anime review discussion panel.  We figured we:

1. owe it to Michael to go since we didn’t write any reviews for his site yet, even when we promised we would write them before AX
2. could always use tips on how to not suck at writing stuff

The panelists, which consisted of experienced reviewers, all of whom, I believe, current write for Anime News Network, a very very respected anime news site, gave us many useful tips.  One tip that I can remember right away is “hook your reader in the first three sentences”, the less the better.  Another very important tip is to write often.  Publish a blog, write in a journal.  Anything.  If you’re doing it, then that means you’re honing your style and getting better.  That’s actually a reason why I forced myself to post again after a month or so on hiatus-well, that and I genuinely wanted to post.  At one point during the forum, Jimmy told me that he would like to ask them a question about humor-how much is too much?  What about authors who try really hard to be funny in their reviews?  Where should the line be drawn?  Before he asked the question, he gave me the half-intention that the question was meant as a jab at me.  And obviously it was.  I mean come on.  He wanted to destroy my writing style and my sense of humor-and, inject some well-meaning discipline into my douchbag/lame personality.  Well the panelists gave him what he wanted-that genuine good humor is very hard to come by, and just as hard to write.  Many people think they’re funny, but they’re not, we were told.  Of course I flipped Jimmy off when he sat down (with my ring finger, no less) and pointed me out to the panelists.  Even though he’s my best friend and knows my personality quirks down to a tee, the bastard shouldn’t talk about me like he knows me.

On the third day we went to a Shoto Shokotan concert.  She sung many songs, but I only cared about her Cruel Angel Thesis (Evangelion Theme Song).  Well, her Gurren Lagann ones were pretty good too.  There was also an obnoxious overweight dude in front of us that kept screaming out Japanese to Shokotan.  I didn’t know what it meant, but I assume it was fan-love related.  Itadakimasu.  Before that, we participated in a scavenger hunt where we were surprised by a surprise visit from Caitlin and Karen and some of their friends.  A random white dude from OC also joined us (his name was Christopher).  Kev was voted our team leader, well I wouldn’t say voted…more like cajoled.  Anyways.  Due to Jimmy’s persuasion, our team name turned out to be Sausage.  I wanted team Volcano, cause obviously you can do more lame things with a volcano than you can do with a sausage.  I mean with a sausage all you can do is fellatio, but with a volcano, you can do so much more.  Plus a volcano is bigger and randomly erupts.  Randomly.  A premature ejaculation chant could’ve been concocted.  It also erupts with great force, and its eruption, unlike a sausage, can kill a woman.  There.  Jimmy and I teamed up but we couldn’t really find any of our items.  I mean who the hell drives an Acura?  No one!  I am not even sure they’re still made, or if the company existed to begin with!  We managed to find a Star Wars t-shirt though.

Throughout Anime Expo, we visited the exhibit halls oftenly.  I don’t know if I used often correctly there.   Anywho, we spent much of our time touring the many booths that were set up.  We found out right away that there was a yaoi booth (thanks to this awesome dude heading up the booth who was very vocal and intense in his promotion of the booth-”GET YOUR YAOI!!  GET YOUR MANCEST!”, he also knew about Phoenix Wright yaoi.  That man is the epitome of everything I want to be).  There was also this fat dude in a speedo or something that kept screaming to promote his booth too.  He attracted awesome maid-cosplaying girls later.  That fucker.  Speaking of cosplayers, there were lots of hawt cosplaying girls (and a few guys) at AX.  However I can only remember the guys, especially a very black Yun-I’m serious.  The man was african american-and it was awesome.  We got some free fans from NIS, some free bags from …Maplestory?  Or was it Ragnarok (RAG-NA-ROCK!)?  I don’t know, all I know is that it was a really gay mmo.  So it might’ve been Maplestory.

So what did we end up buying?  Well.  We bought some hentai and some yaoi, lets get that out of the way first.  Jimmy bought some hentai for the sake of buying hentai.  Kev bought some yaoi to surprise Charles.  Kev, Jimmy, and Michael all bought figurines.  I bought volume 2 of Welcome to the NHK manga (more on that later) and my little brother wanted a sword and an airsoft gun, which I refused to buy for him.

Anyways.  Why did I decide to buy volume 2 when I did not have volume 1?  Well, apparently volume 1 of NHK is like the rarest shit ever that none-not any of the shops in the whole exhibit hall-had it.  I know cause Kev and I looked.  Repeatedly.  We must’ve walked all over the exhibit hall like a billion and one times.  Each time they would either have some weird volumes, or all the volumes except for one.  This is a goddamn conspiracy.  I want my volume 1.

Towards the end of day 3, I hung out with Kev, Michael, and my little brother (Jimmy was at a jrock concert thing-I was there with him for a bit, but the music left my head pounding so I left) and watched people play Street Fighter 3rd strike.  It inspired me to want to learn how to play 3s not like a bitch.  And I did try it today.  It was very difficult.

After that, I went to a dance.  The thing about AX dances and regular dances is the prevalence of trance/techno music.  Regular dances usually consist of hip hop and r&b musics.  AX was all high energy fast trance tracks, which I enjoyed a lot more cause I was able to get into it easier.  Plus all the “dancing” one had to do was jump.  Repeatedly.  Alright so.  Let’s delve into the good stuff on what happened at la dance.  Well first we gotta recap.

1. I have a friend named Jimmy
2. He is 17
3. He is single
4. He is a virgin
5. He has little experience with women
6. He is ok looking
7. and, before this moment, my e-penis was bigger than his

Now, I will become a narrator in a story whose main character is not myself, but Jimmy.  Yes, my own experiences will now take the backseat.

Earlier in the day, Jimmy asked a girl-who is extremely attractive and petite-for her picture.  She, in turn, asked for a picture with him.  Also she said he had a nice face-I know right? (I’m kidding, he’s not that ugly)-and they exchanged names blah blah blah boring foreplay.  Anywho, by some odd work of the powers that be-or a coincidence for the more rational of us-Jimmy spotted a hawt girl on the dance floor and wanted to dance with her and lo and behold!  It was the same hawt girl from before.  Now, before we all say “what’s the big deal in that?”, I must emphasize that Jimmy was infatuated with his picture-encounter.  He couldn’t stop thinking about it and he even berated himself when he forgot her name (B-somethingmarather) and didn’t compliment her beauty when she complimented his own adequete face.  Now the important thing here is that my friend Jimmy thoroughly enjoyed himself.  They danced for quite sometime, and he tells me that it was very hawt and steamy and that her body was incredible.  Also he liked her stomach the best.  When I saw him move in to dance with her, I immediately moved away from them.  I didn’t want to

1. cockblock him
2. feel awkward

I decided that night that I wouldn’t dance with any girls.  After the last dance, where I tried too hard to look for a partner and ended up not enjoying myself, I think I should just let loose and enjoy myself without having to worry about finding someone to dance with.  Anywho, after Jimmy danced with his sexy girl, we left the dance.  Oddly enough, his sexy friend soon followed us out.  We got back in line.  She got back in line.  It was quite obvious:  she was totally into me Jimmy.  After chatting up some black guys, we got back to the dance.  Jimmy did most of the talking to those awesome men :[

We danced for a bit and then Jimmy’s lady friend found him again and they started to dance.  The important detail to note is that she found him, not the other way around.  Jackpot, am I right?  Yeah I think I’m right.  So the moment I saw her pull on his arm to talk to him to dance, and I started moving away, I could feel the biggest grin plastered onto my face:  my friend Jimmy has attracted a girl.  My grin was probably big, stupied, and illuminating.  I am so damn proud of him.

Anywho, once again I moved off to the side to dance by myself.  It’s not as lonely as I make it sound, especially when I have this awesome headcrab cosplayer next to me.  He was the shit.  I mean, you don’t need people or social interaction to have fun sure it was kinda lonely, but I still managed to enjoy myself.  After Jimmy was done dancing with Bonnie (he reacquired her name), he came to me and said that they were to exchange screenames, and I was happy cause it was nearly time for us to go.  However, he then told me that they were exchange screenames later, so I was like ok go get it now.  We spent the next 30 minutes or so looking for her, with Jimmy catching sight of her and then losing her again.  Wait.  I forgot one very important detail.

Before Jimmy pulled me aside to help him look for Bonnie, I was dancing by myself and caught the eye of this very hawt girl in front of me.  I was sorta feeling shy so I looked away and continued to dance by myself.  It was at that moment that Jimmy came to me and said that I should help him look for Bonnie.  Of course I went with him, no questions asked (albeit with a trace of grumpiness and disappointment), but I still feel kinda disappointed because right before I turned to go, I could see the girl I was eyeing look at me again, and her friend nudging her pointedly in my direction.  I am sure she wanted to dance with me.  I wonder what would have happened had I chosen to stay on the dancefloor at that moment?  There’s no need to wonder, I was contemplating on approaching her and asking her to dance anyways.  But fuck it.  I had a friend who needed my help.

Well I was Jimmy’s wingman and I was determined to not leave until they successfully exchanged contact information.  They did.  But before that I must mention that I saw this awesome, awesome dude dancing by himself.  He looked completely immersed and he looked like he didn’t give a rat’s ass about what other people thought of him.  He looked like he was having a great time.  I would like to eventually have his conviction and nonchalantness.

After we left Jimmy couldn’t forget about his night and Bonnie and wouldn’t shut up about how awesome her body was his experience was.  Truly that night Jimmy’s e-penis grew to a size that eclipsed my own (but, I will adamently argue, not by that much) Jimmy told me that he was sorry about the pseudo-cockblock and I qualmed his fears.  His cock is my cock.  If his cock was happy that night, then by all means mine will be too.  Goddamn, I look forward to the next dance I go to, cause for some reason I have this huge itch that only a hawt girl grinding up against me could scratch.

Overall I really enjoyed AX.  There wasn’t as much mingling with others/socializing as I expected, but it was a new experience and I enjoyed it very much.  The concentration of anime-nerdism was high at the convention and an otaku-radar probably would’ve exploded.  There were many great cosplays and many great events.  I also have not forgotten about the fucking mexicans that ripped us off with shitty chinese food.  That was the low of my AXperience.  We also ate too much fast food/junk food, so I have to work that off pretty soon.  Special thanks to Kev for putting up with driving us all.  With that said, I really look forward to going next year and cosplaying.  Jimmy and I promised eachother that we would both cosplay and audition for the AX Idol (singing the Gregorian chant opening from Elfen Lied no less-we are, of course, prepared to be disqualified).  I hope Kev’s prepared to drive all of us assholes again next year.  AX was a new experience and it was very fun.  I can’t believe that I didn’t try going sooner.  These geeks really know how to throw a convention.

*P.S., yes I did think up of that title all by myself.

a note on balls.

Tonight -that is, the night of June 20th- was the Kiwins Down and Dirty dance.  It lasted from 8PM-12AM.

And I thought I was gonna have a fantastic time, and I did…towards the end of the dance though.

See, more than anything, this dance helped open my eyes to my ego, my bravado, and how little cajones I actually have.  Which is what I’d rather not have a dance do.

For the first 2 hours, nearly, all I did was walk around with my buddies looking for potential dance partners.  The problem that presented itself was we would stand there, talking about how we would go for this group of girls, then, in a last-minute moment of cowardice, we would hesitate.  Then some other guy would take her.  I will admit that this might seem kinda normal, I mean it’s bound to happen a few times right?  However, for me, it didn’t merely happen a few times.  For me, I spent much of the night “looking for girls”.  You might be wondering why that was in quotes.  I shall explain.  It is in quotes because, in retrospect, I don’t think I was actually looking for girls.  I think I just didn’t have the balls to just go to the first available person I saw.  So, as an excuse, I walked around the dance floor with really no goal except to look busy.  It was pathetic.  I mean, I came to a dance to dance, not to just walk around and watch.

I don’t think I can remember how many times I saw an avaliable girl, but then just stood there trying to muster up the courage to dance with her, only to have dilly-dallied for too long and then she was taken.

And this is coming from the guy who was all talking about being the most gangster and doing gay dance moves like no tomorrow!  God damn ego.  God damn stupid bravado.  And to think I was supposed to lead by example.  Kinda pathetic, actually.

To be truthful, I’m frustrated with myself.  There’s no reason to not ask a girl to dance.  If you get rejected then you get rejected.  So what?  You move on.  The best thing that can happen is that you’ll have a great time.  I couldn’t understand why my instincts just could not realize that.  I was held back, every single time, by irrational fear (redundant, cause fear itself is irrational).

I guess I left my balls at home.  In short, I was too shy to dance with the girls.  Yes, what the fuck is that.  My ego has shrunk 10 times smaller.  My manhood too :[

On a positive note I danced with hawt freshmen towards the end of the dance.  Yes.  That’s right, I went there.  And back again.

I am at least happy that I got to dance with a few people, but the fact that I spent so much time doing nothing irks me so much.

I don’t know.  Jimmy said something that rung kinda true, he said that when you think about it you start to hestitate and that fucks you up.  When you stop thinking about it and you just do it, then you’re good.

There’s another dance coming up, at AX.  Although the people will be different, to me it’ll still just be a dance.  There will be hawt girls.  And of course, I’ll be there.  Whether or not I bring my balls to the dance remains to be seen.

It is one of my summer goals to bring my balls to the damn dance.  To fucking get in there, to fucking not hesitate, to not think.  To actually spend more time dancing than time spent looking for someone to dance with.  To have a great time.

Summer “bucketlists”

Mine*

1. play (on the guitar) and sing say it ain’t so
2. meet, talk, and hang out with a beautiful and likable girl
3. run 5 days a week for at least 4 weeks straight
4. run around mile square park -4mi
5. get a full body tan
6. get a job at barnes
7. hop a fence properly
8. trim my pubic hair
9. play genuine whose line is it anyways
10. successfully pull off a dupe (like a fake conversation between jimmy and I) on a stranger or group of people at barnes
11. get stranger’s (preferably a beautiful girl) phone number
12. spend an entire day at barnes
13. get a decent pair of sunglasses that looks nice on me
14. get an urahara hat
15. make a group of strangers laugh
16. bring my balls to a dance and spend more time dancing than looking for a dance
17. shave my mustache
18. get my license/learn how to drive
19. get a photograph of me sincerely smiling
20. become proficient with all swim styles
21. move towards less potty mouth humor (this will be very difficult)
22. do away with my insecurities/jealousies
23. never hide my personality
24. ?? come to terms with growing up

Jimmy’s*

1. Do a drive-by mooning
2. Beat my old 10-wank-a-day record
3. Meet, talk, hang out, and keep in touch with a beautiful girl at AX
4. Meeet random people and mingle with them, whether it be at AX or anyplace else
5. Get to 10nps by the end of summer
6. Learn enough Japanese to be able to have a conversation wtih Michelle in Japanese
7. Take better care of my hair so that I can style it like those hot Japanese musicians
8. Hug a stranger
9. Get a jam band started
10. Give a homeless man $20
11. Get a job
12. Make and eat spacecake
13. Take a nap under the shade of a tree, in a tree, or on a rooftop
14. Learn to tread, and go swimming more often
15. Tell a girl she is attractive
16. Skydump
17. Get a new guitar
18. Feel a titty
19. Put up several reviews on Michael’s site
20. Make a good AMV
21. Write a song
22. Spend an entire day playing guitar
23. Ride a shopping cart into a curb

*subject to changes and additions.

the end of an era

Recently I have been obsessed with the song Viva La Vida by Coldplay.  It sounds so…happy and upbeat compared to their other works.  I enjoy it very much.  If you are reading this, I advise you to give it a whirl.

Yesterday was Friday the 13th.  True to Friday the 13th superstition, something bad happened to me on that day:  my senior year at La Quinta High School unofficially ended that day.

When that bell rang, for the last relevant time I suppose, seniors ran out of their classes, screaming their heads off, whooping their hearts out, and yelping with all of their souls.  They were genuinely glad that high school is over.  That the stress, the work, the journey was over.

Isn’t it rather strange, then, that I felt an insurmountable amount of sadness?  I can’t explicitly describe the feeling, but it felt a lot like…heartache.  Shouldn’t I be relieved that high school was over?  I would be moving onto college soon, where I could truly be free, where life truly begins for a student.

I’ll be leaving a LOT of my buddies behind though.  A lot of my close friends opted to go to UCI instead of UCSD, which means that I’ll be separated, for the most part, from my friends.  They won’t be there with me as I start the rest of my life.  You can’t blame a guy for missing his friends, can you?  It’s saying goodbye to those moments we shared, those memories we made, those bonds we formed.  My friends mean a lot to me and I am going to miss them more than anything else.  I truly hope to spend as much time as I can with all of them over the summer before I move to San Diego.  That is not to say I won’t be keeping in touch with them.  I will.  Distance can’t break these bonds between us.

Almost as much as missing my friends, I feel regret.  I have gone over this before, but it bears being said again.  I feel regretful.  Regretful that I let the last 3 years of my high school career pass without me doing much of anything.  I regret not putting myself out there, not going to dances, joining clubs, getting involved, joining a sport.  I regret not living out my high school years.  I regret not staying out really late, not learning how to drive, not chasing girls.  I regret having missed so many opportunities and chances to do something new, something risky.  There were just so many things I could’ve done.  But I didn’t do them.  I just went home right after school for the last three years and sat at the computer.  I missed out on a lot.

I mentioned this to one of my friends earlier, who is just finishing her freshmen year at LQ, that I was extremely jealous of her and her friends.  She has her whole high school career in front of her, and she is already making the most of it.  Joining clubs, meeting new people, going to dances and trips.  Even if she didn’t get great grades or do everything she wanted to do this year, she still has time.  And that’s the point I’m trying to make her.  As much as I want to go to my senior prom or retake a class to get better grades or wished I join clubs sooner, I can’t.  It’s too late for me.

I should’ve taken advantage of my youth a lot sooner.  Of course, I’m not that old.  But I still can’t help but equate high school with the prime of youth.

I do realize that I am overdramatizing things and making a fuss about what could easily be remedied with the words, “You still have plenty of time to do stuff in college”, but I still just cannot help but regret the time that I wasted.  I can’t help but think that my life could’ve probably turned out a bit different if I had taken advantage of my youth, of the opportunities presented to me.  If anything, I could’ve graduated with no regrets.

I really do believe that college will be my “second chance” to enjoy life/youth/school to its fullest.  I fully intend to make the most of my college years and truly enjoy life.  I want to graduate without regrets, content that I did all that I can.  I resolve to live in the present and make the most of my college years.

impressions of oscar wao

so I was working my way through this new age contemporary piece of literature dubbed The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz (who is currently an english professor at MIT, I think…ultra oxymoron but also ultra awesome), and so far I’m enjoying it more than the other books I read in lit class this year.  I can probably caulk it to it being contemporary and thus I don’t have to try to decipher the text (I’m looking at you, Will Faulkner).  Anyways I was just reading when a came across a certain quote:

Later when he thought about it he realized that these very cousins could have probably gotten him laid if only he’d bothered to hang out with them.  But you can’t regret the life you didn’t lead.

And that made perfect sense to me.  It made me realize how irrational my regrets about high school (and my own adolescence) were.  There’s no point regretting the life that I didn’t lead.  I gotta make the most of the life that I did lead.